well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
