Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
