I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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