So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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