He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
