I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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