cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
