I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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