well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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