Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
