just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
