its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
