new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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