my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
