would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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