I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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