awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
