blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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