we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
