I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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