so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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