apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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