we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
