omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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