is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
