cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
