look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
