Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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