I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
