it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
