tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
