What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
