Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
