i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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