She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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