Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
