Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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