Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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