Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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