You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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