Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
