Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
