i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
