He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
