I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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