I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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