I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
