Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
