You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
