how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
