I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
