His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
