Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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