btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it because I queefed?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
