Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
