State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
