based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
