Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
