she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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