I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
