I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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