I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
