guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
