She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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