I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
