Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
