My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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