wanna go halves on a baby?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize