it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
