she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
