Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i now understand why vodka
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
