I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
