god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
