shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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