If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
