"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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