You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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