it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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