Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
