U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's the barista slut.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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