OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
