So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
