I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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