i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
