did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
