I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
